Which animal does Labour resemble?

A recent New York Times article made me think. It was about public perception of Republicans and Democrats and what animal people thought each party compared to.

The article referred to research by Anat Shenker-Osorio where she asked voters to say what animal they associated with Republicans and which animal with democrats.

The article said:

One longtime Democratic researcher has a technique she leans on when nudging voters to share their deepest, darkest feelings about politics. She asks them to compare America’s two major parties to animals.

After around 250 focus groups of swing voters, a few patterns have emerged, said the researcher, Anat Shenker-Osorio. Republicans are seen as “apex predators,” like lions, tigers and sharks — beasts that take what they want when they want it. Democrats are typically tagged as tortoises, slugs or sloths: slow, plodding, passive.

So Ms. Shenker-Osorio perked up earlier this year when a Democratic man in Georgia suggested that a very different kind of animal symbolized her party.

“A deer,” he said, “in headlights.”

The man had more to say.

“You stand there and you see the car coming, but you’re going to stand there and get hit with it anyway.”

For me this was a very legitimate question. Swing voters often vote on impulse rather than carefully weighted analysis.

And it made me think. If this question was asked of swing vote kiwis what response would they give?

And it explained a lot. At least in how our politicians try to position themselves.

Matua Shane Jones railing against climate change policies and “wokeness” and championing oil drilling during a climate crisis is displaying classic apex predator behaviour. Pick a fight and appear to be really staunch.

And it does not matter that his statements are so illogical. MMP means that only 5% plus needs to be persuaded by what he says to make it a politically viable stance.

Hence Shane’s and Winston Peters’ railing against wokeness.

And David Seymour’s willingness to pick a fight with Maori.

It is more complicated for National.

They need to reach out to the centre to ensure they remain in power. Democracies require majority support. Especially MMP democracies.

But they are running out of centrist type leaders.

A centrist leader should try to appear to be part Lion, part Dog and part Antelope.

Majestic, friendly and fast. There is should be no downside.

But its problem is that it has no current MP who can claim to have any of these features.

Christopher Luxon is more meer cat than lion.

Chris Bishop resembles a Chihuahua. All bark but no bite. Announcing repeatedly changes to the RMA without actually effecting changes does not inspire confidence.

And Nicola Willis is more Kookaburra than Antelope. And she is utterly predictable.

She always talks in a way that suggests that SHE IS RIGHT AND IF YOU DO NOT AGREE THEN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.

It is no wonder that she has lost so many electorate campaigns. She has stood for three electorates so far and has lost each one. I do not expect her success rate to improve.

But this raises the question, what animal does the Labour Party resemble? And more importantly which animal should it aspire to resemble?

As to which animal it should aspire to I think the answer is the Dolphin.

Dolphins are intelligent, they are funny, they celebrate life, they enjoy hanging around in collectives and they realise that if they stick together they can beat off sharks.

If Labour can match these characteristics then it has a good chance of winning next time.

So to Labour MPs please at all costs avoid resembling deers stuck in the headlights. Be instead like a Dolphin. Be funny, celebrate Aotearoa and most importantly stick together. So you can beat off sharks.